the color of august

I've been in a funk lately. It's kind of an identity crisis, but I feel ridiculous saying that. Last week Cristina told me it's because my Saturn is in return, and even though my hippie upbringing might have you thinking otherwise, I was pretty skeptical of this explanation. That is until I looked it up on Wikipedia. I know, I really should have called my dad, he does astrology readings after all, but I was crying and had drunk two glasses of wine, and even I know better than to call my dad in that state.


I've been getting into these panic modes of "what am I doing with my life" and "is this really where I want to live" and "am I wasting time on useless projects" and I should probably mention (even though Cristina will KILL me for sharing this with the general public) that we're trying to get pregnant, and it makes me feel that every decision I make daily is ten thousand times more important than it used to be.
Wiki states "during this time astrologers note that goals are consolidated and people tend to gain a better vision of where they are going in life." I think that pretty much sums it up.
So, I've been thinking. A lot.
I had better start with the easy stuff, like this humble abode. The blog started off as a way to showcase my craftiness around the house. It was going to help me promote ciuccio and give readers the chance to see a bit more of the creating process. It was going to help me explore my interest in design a bit. It's done that, it still does that. But then it gets tricky because ciuccio has had a rough year (thanks in part to the recession) and I have really been trying to figure out if ciuccio can continue. And if so, how. It's expensive, and really time consuming. Although it's grown every year, I don't know that it will ever be profitable, and I can't decide if that matters or not. If it does matter, then I can't think about ciuccio without thinking about long term employment. I have a job right now, and I really love those girls, but being a nanny isn't something I want forever. They'll really only need me for a few more years, and then what? This is where I start freaking out.


OK, wait. I was supposed to be talking about the blog. If you've been reading for awhile, or if you know me personally, you must know how much I love cooking. I've loved it since I was a really little kid. And frankly, I'm really good at it. So I'm thinking about turning this blog into more of a food diary. Eww, that term makes me think about being on some sort of diet and having to write down everything that I eat so I can analyze calories or something. I can't think of a more appetizing phrase at the moment, but I hope you get the idea. I'll be sharing more recipes, and more ideas about cooking with kids, and about being a vegetarian. The real kind of vegetarian who doesn't eat fish or chicken because those are meat. Cristina says (in a most loving way, of course) that I have come off as kind of dry and stuffy in my writing in the past. I am pretty much a snob, but I do have a sense of humor, and I'm thinking this will come across better if I'm writing longer bits instead of the more caption-like style I had taken to.


I hope you like these changes. Please send along recommendations and/or constructive criticism, but don't forget that I already cried once this week.