Saturday, August 1, 2009

the color of august

I've been in a funk lately. It's kind of an identity crisis, but I feel ridiculous saying that. Last week Cristina told me it's because my Saturn is in return, and even though my hippie upbringing might have you thinking otherwise, I was pretty skeptical of this explanation. That is until I looked it up on Wikipedia. I know, I really should have called my dad, he does astrology readings after all, but I was crying and had drunk two glasses of wine, and even I know better than to call my dad in that state.

I've been getting into these panic modes of "what am I doing with my life" and "is this really where I want to live" and "am I wasting time on useless projects" and I should probably mention (even though Cristina will KILL me for sharing this with the general public) that we're trying to get pregnant, and it makes me feel that every decision I make daily is ten thousand times more important than it used to be.
Wiki states "during this time astrologers note that goals are consolidated and people tend to gain a better vision of where they are going in life." I think that pretty much sums it up.
So, I've been thinking. A lot.
I had better start with the easy stuff, like this humble abode. The blog started off as a way to showcase my craftiness around the house. It was going to help me promote ciuccio and give readers the chance to see a bit more of the creating process. It was going to help me explore my interest in design a bit. It's done that, it still does that. But then it gets tricky because ciuccio has had a rough year (thanks in part to the recession) and I have really been trying to figure out if ciuccio can continue. And if so, how. It's expensive, and really time consuming. Although it's grown every year, I don't know that it will ever be profitable, and I can't decide if that matters or not. If it does matter, then I can't think about ciuccio without thinking about long term employment. I have a job right now, and I really love those girls, but being a nanny isn't something I want forever. They'll really only need me for a few more years, and then what? This is where I start freaking out.

OK, wait. I was supposed to be talking about the blog. If you've been reading for awhile, or if you know me personally, you must know how much I love cooking. I've loved it since I was a really little kid. And frankly, I'm really good at it. So I'm thinking about turning this blog into more of a food diary. Eww, that term makes me think about being on some sort of diet and having to write down everything that I eat so I can analyze calories or something. I can't think of a more appetizing phrase at the moment, but I hope you get the idea. I'll be sharing more recipes, and more ideas about cooking with kids, and about being a vegetarian. The real kind of vegetarian who doesn't eat fish or chicken because those are meat. Cristina says (in a most loving way, of course) that I have come off as kind of dry and stuffy in my writing in the past. I am pretty much a snob, but I do have a sense of humor, and I'm thinking this will come across better if I'm writing longer bits instead of the more caption-like style I had taken to.

I hope you like these changes. Please send along recommendations and/or constructive criticism, but don't forget that I already cried once this week.


The Heated said...

I will kill you. Probably while you sleep... Also, I'm not as much of a hippie as your blog made me sound, am I? I thought everyone knew about Saturn, right? Anyway, you cook the best food I've ever eaten. Go get 'em, champ.

Jen B. said...

I like reading about your crafty stuff, but you need to do what will make you happiest. I'll continue to read as long as you're writing. Besides, once the baby comes the blog will continue to evolve...there is no experience that changes your life like becoming a parent! Good luck to the two of you!

cate Kellison said...

I love what you write and I will read it even if I don't ever follow any cooking advice. It's the bits about you that make it awesome.
ps. I hope Cristina wasn't too mad..I think it helps to put good things out there into the world...